


guilt

by adorecas



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Guilt, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 05:17:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/630842
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/adorecas/pseuds/adorecas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Maybe it was Dean's fault.</p>
            </blockquote>





	guilt

It happened too fast for Dean to react. It was so sudden and unexpected that he could be taken off guard like that. Cas was always nimble on his feet, even after he had fallen from grace. Being human had made him all the more deadly – without his angel mojo he had come to rely on Dean’s teachings. Dean had taught him everything he knew about hunting, from how to kill ghosts to how to really listen and react quickly.

But maybe Dean hadn’t done a good enough job. Maybe it was Dean’s fault that Cas had followed him headfirst into a hunt, weapons at the ready to kill the demons holing up in the abandoned house. Maybe it was because of Dean that Cas had managed to kill four or five of them with gusto before he was caught off guard. Maybe it was because of Dean that Cas got a knife in the chest. Maybe it was Dean’s fault when Cas crumpled to the ground, bleeding out too fast for anyone to stop, leaving another demon free to attack the brothers. Maybe Dean didn’t finish killing the demons fast enough to get to Cas, though his fury fueled his murderous streak and it wasn’t more than another minute or two before he had felled the rest of the demons. Maybe when Dean was holding Cas, pressing the man’s face to his own, crying uncontrollably and whispering for him to hold on, screaming at Sam to do something, and shaking so badly he could barely kneel without falling over, it became his fault that Cas had died. Dean had tried so damn hard to hold on, to keep Cas breathing and his eyes open when he knew – he _knew_ – the life was bleeding out of him, but he couldn’t make himself move. He couldn’t make himself do anything but clench his fingers in Cas’ hair, press kisses to his face and neck and whisper _“Stay with me, Cas”_ and _“Please, I love you.”_

Sam always told him it wasn’t his fault. Sam always had a reassuring squeeze for his shoulder but Dean couldn’t feel anything. He refused to believe that it wasn’t his fault. That maybe Fate had simply had a plan for Cas that Dean didn’t agree with. He bore the brunt of the guilt, letting it smother and crush him until he could barely breathe. Maybe, just maybe, he could have done better.


End file.
